Sometimes the greatest breakthrough on your journey can quietly turn against you. That’s exactly what happened to me with mindfulness: my most wonderful experience became a hidden obstacle that, for a long time, took away the very thing I had set out to find. Here’s the story of what happened – and what I learned when I finally found my way back.
My First Steps into Mindfulness and Meditation
My first steps into mindfulness and meditation date back to the early 2010s. I’ve always been drawn to Eastern philosophy and its way of thinking. When work and everyday life started to feel more and more stressful, I decided to dive deeper into mental self-regulation, relaxation techniques, and the methods of meditation.
The first truly significant turning point on my journey was discovering the eight-week MBSR program (Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction), developed by Jon Kabat-Zinn.
Fortunately, I have a fairly good ability to commit to projects, and I can push myself through a program relatively easily. Even so, getting started with meditation felt difficult at first. I simply couldn’t get any particular sensations or feelings out of the practice – at least not in the beginning.
The Third Time’s the Charm – An Unforgettable Body Scan Experience
During the second week of practice, we moved into body scan meditation. The first time, I fell asleep almost immediately. The second time went no better: I fell asleep again.
Looking back, falling asleep wasn’t a bad sign at all – it was simply proof that my body had truly relaxed.
The third time, however, something entirely different happened.
This time, I stayed awake for the whole practice. When the meditation ended, I was so startled that I nearly fell off the bed. I realized instantly that I felt unbelievably good. I was practically walking on air – every bit of tension had vanished, both from my shoulders and from my mind.
That single, extraordinary experience was so powerful that it carried and motivated me through the entire remaining eight weeks. Body scan meditation became one of my favorite practices because of it.
When a Wonderful Experience Became a Meditation Trap
Later, I came to understand that this wonderful breakthrough had quietly turned into a major trap for me.
Because the euphoric feeling I’d experienced had been so strong, I naturally began to hope it would happen again. I expected the same feeling over and over, in every single session. But nothing like it ever came back. The experience had been unique, and unique it remained.
I fell into the habit of “gripping the club too tightly,” so to speak. By loading each practice in advance with enormous expectations and hopes, I lost the most essential idea of the practice: experiencing each moment as one of a kind. I forgot that every meditation is different – every observation, feeling, and bodily sensation changes in each and every session.
“The human mind is fragile, and it’s easy to cling to a good experience – precisely when we should be savoring the present moment and then letting it go.”
A Return to the Beginner’s Mind
When I finally realized what had happened, a whole new spark was lit in my practice – the very spark that had already begun to fade beneath my expectations.
I understood that each practice should be started as if it were the very first. It should be approached with open curiosity, without preconceptions, demands, or even hopes about how it “should” feel.
In hindsight, it feels strange that I fell into this trap at all, given that almost every mindfulness guide warns about it and encourages you to meet your experience with curiosity. But it just goes to show how human we are: when we find something good, we want to hold on to it – even though the core idea of meditation is exactly the opposite. Presence, and letting go.
How to Avoid the Expectation Trap in Meditation
If you recognize the same pattern in yourself – whether it’s chasing a particular euphoria or feeling frustrated that a practice “doesn’t feel like anything” – here are a few concrete tips to help you avoid this pitfall.
1. Adopt the “Beginner’s Mind”
Approach each practice with a clean slate. Forget how yesterday felt or how you hope today will feel. Be a curious explorer, observing this particular moment for the very first time in your life.
2. Let Go of Chasing an Outcome
Mindfulness isn’t about performing, and it has no specific goal such as “perfect relaxation” or “euphoria.” The purpose of meditation is simply to be present with whatever already exists – whether that’s restlessness, tiredness, or a sense of calm.
3. Notice Clinging, and Let It Go
When you catch yourself thinking mid-practice, “I hope this feels as good as it did that one time,” simply notice the thought without judgment. Smile at it gently, and return your attention to your breath or the sensations in your body.
4. Accept the “Boring” and Challenging Sessions Too
Not every meditation is a moment of enlightenment, nor is it meant to be. The times when the mind is restless or the body feels stiff are, in fact, the most valuable practice of all for cultivating awareness and acceptance.
In Summary: Take Each Practice As It Comes
The meditation journey is full of insights, but also of lessons about ourselves. Euphoric experiences and moments of deep relaxation are wonderful gifts, but they shouldn’t become the yardstick for future practices.
Take each practice as it comes. When you learn to let go of expectations – both on the mat and off it – you’ll find in meditation a more lasting peace, free of the pressure to perform.
